So'Ham - The Answer to "Who Am I?"

I’ve been using mantra in my Bhakti Flow & Yin class since I started teaching it earlier this year. Each week, I use a different mantra as a theme for the class. At first, I didn’t attempt to sing or chant the mantra, but after several weeks, I built up the courage to try it, and I asked my students to join in. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how it was going to land. To my delightful surprise, the response to the class has been overwhelmingly positive, so I’ve continued to expand my own knowledge around mantra and to use it myself.

The word mantra means “resolution.” Mantras can be repeated, chanted or sung out loud (ahata) or silently (anāhata, meaning “of the heart”). As a meditation technique, the primary objectives of mantra meditation are to calm, focus, and train the mind to reduce suffering and increase positive emotions for flourishing. Secondary objectives can include transcending identity from thought and/or staying focused and in harmony with a resolution.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been using the so’ham mantra (pronounced and sometimes spelled so hum) in my daily meditation practice, so my understanding of and messaging around this mantra has changed a little since the last time I taught it (a few months ago). For the past several weeks, the themes of the Bhakti class have centered around overcoming obstacles and challenges, including how we can sometimes get in our own way, and as I was preparing my class this past week, it occurred to me that the so’ham mantra can also be used in this regard.

We get in our own way much too often, and yoga is very much a practice that can teach us to recognize when we’re doing it and how to stop.

For example, in a yoga class, I might ask you to do a pose that you don’t like, a pose that is challenging to you, one that you might consider an obstacle to your āsana practice. You might experience a moment of resistance, maybe a moment of angst or even anger – you might even entertain the idea that I’ve chosen this pose just to torture you. But chances are you’ll see those feelings for what they are (you getting in your own way), set them aside, and do the pose anyway. You might even surprise yourself by doing it a little bit better than you’ve done it before.

However, when we encounter challenges in our lives, it’s more difficult to see our thoughts and emotions for what they are – a form of getting in our own way. It’s not that our feelings aren’t valid or justified; it’s simply that they’re usually not useful for overcoming obstacles and challenges. In fact, we sometimes increase our suffering by letting our emotions spiral out of control.

There's a great concept in Buddhism called the “second arrow.” The teaching goes, when something bad happens, our initial reaction is often to complain or feel anger, anxiety, or regret. We might beat ourselves up about it or take it personally. The buddha taught that the bad event or obstacle or challenge is the first arrow, the arrow that is shot AT us, which can be painful. The second arrow is our reaction to the bad event or obstacle. This arrow we shoot at ourselves. It’s the second arrow that is the cause of suffering, and it often feels worse than the first arrow. 

In life, pain, challenges, and obstacles are unavoidable, but suffering is a choice. Through yoga and meditation, we can learn to reduce our suffering by identifying with pure awareness, with our higher self, with universal consciousness. And that is what the so’ham mantra teaches us.

So’ham translates as “I am that.” Replace the word “that” with anything that represents the eternal part of yourself, the part that existed before you were born into this body and the part that will remain after you die. You can use terms like “pure awareness,” “universal consciousness,” or “the soul.”

If you don’t believe in an eternal soul, consider the scientific fact that energy cannot be created or destroyed – it can only be converted from one form of energy to another. These bodies we inhabit are simply tiny particles of matter being held together by the vibration of energy. When we die and our bodies disintegrate, the energy that was holding our physical form together moves on to a different form. 

The Yoga Sutras refer to the Seer, the Seeing, and the Seen. The “Seer,” with a capital “S,” is that eternal part of ourselves that has the ability to rise above our day-to-day challenges and see the forest instead of the trees. So when I use this mantra - and I’ve been using it consistently for a few weeks in my daily meditation practice – I like to think “I am the Seer.” But you can use whatever you want – any term that is meaningful to you.

The so’ham mantra also symbolizes the fact that we are all connected to the universal energy that is constantly supporting and nourishing us in the ways we need and desire. So when we have trouble trusting in our own ability to overcome our obstacles, we can use this mantra to lean into the support that god or the universe or our higher self is there to offer us.

In short, this mantra offers us feelings of safety, protection, and unconditional support. Chanting it can help calm anxiety, alleviate depression, or simply improve our outlook and mood.

HOW TO USE THE MANTRA

So’ham is considered to be a breathing mantra because “so” is the sound of inhalation and “hum” is that of exhalation. After sitting quietly for a few minutes and letting your body, mind, and breath settle, begin to silently say to yourself “so” as you inhale and “hum” as you exhale. Continue to inhale “so” and exhale “hum” for as long as you’re comfortable doing so. When your mind wanders away from the mantra, which it will, simply bring it back calmly and without judgment.

To deepen the practice, once you’ve established the mantra in your mind and in your breath, with your eyes closed, bring your awareness to the space between your eyebrows – your brow chakra, sometimes referred to as the “third eye.” This chakra governs insight and intuition. While keeping your attention on the third eye and silently repeating the mantra “so’ham” pay attention to any feelings, words, or images that arise with regard to your true nature. If nothing arises, that’s fine too.

At some point in the practice, you might find that you want to let go of the mantra and simply hold the attention at the third eye. If you’re new to using the third eye, you can imagine it like a movie screen at a drive-in theater with the screen pointed back into the brain where all the cars are parked.

When practicing mantra meditation, you can use beads to count the repetitions or set a timer for your practice or simply practice for as long as you feel comfortable doing so. If you’re new to meditation, I recommend starting with short sessions (5 minutes or less) and gradually increasing the durations over time.

A COMPLEMENTARY MEDITATION TECHNIQUE

It is believed that so'ham is an answer to ko ham, the zen koan question "Who am I?" The universe answers this question with so'ham, communicating that "You are the same as I am." 

Here is a classic Buddhist meditation technique that provides you with an opportunity to consider who you are – who you are underneath all of the labels and the hats that you wear . . . mother, daughter, wife, sister, yogi, (job title), (activities), (passions), etc. What is at the core of your being?

Vicāra (vichara): Extraordinary Inquiry

Inquiry or analytical meditation can have many applications. One is to explore the unknown. Questions carefully asked in meditation can help us open doors of perception and growth in exciting areas of thought and experience that can lead to creativity and self-realization breakthroughs.

How to Practice:

1.    Sit comfortably and allow the body and mind to settle into a calm and clear stillness. If you’d rather lie down, you can do so, but resolve not to fall asleep.

2.    Gather some concentration with a few minutes of breath awareness, then introduce the question “Who am I?” or “What is the Self”

3.    Calmly observe how the body and mind respond. Listen for the felt response - which is often receptive, curious, and open – in addition to any narrative response. Don’t necessarily rely on verbal narrative that the mind may produce, although some of the narrative answers might be quite fascinating.

4.    If the narrative strays too far from the initial question, bring the attention back to the body and repeat the question.

5.    After a little while, ask the question again.

6.    Repeat until you’ve exhausted your time or attention.

IN CLOSING

The real benefits of the so’ham mantra and vicāra meditation come over time. When you practice consistently, you empower yourself to rise above the base reactions that can come up when you’re faced with challenges, obstacles, and pain. When you identify as the “Seer,” you can respond to challenges, obstacles, and pain in appropriate and useful ways that reduce your own suffering and the suffering of others (Because the fact is that when strong emotions overwhelm us, we often take it out on those closest to us).

My hope for you is that you can use the so’ham mantra and vicāra meditation to help refrain from shooting yourself with the second arrow.